Another Round of Ole and Lena Jokes

Things have been getting a little too serious around here lately, so I’ve determined that I need a bout of levity.  A good way to do this is to have another round of Ole and Lena jokes.  Ole and Lena, and Sven and Lars, are Scandinavian characters who aren’t so very bright.  I’ve discovered a few more of their antics at uffdahhh.com: http://www.uffdahhh.com/.

Yes, I am a Science Fiction Romance author but I’m also Norwegian, from Minnesota, and I like the Ole and Lena jokes.  Here they are… 

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Ole and Sven are standing at the base of a flagpole in West Salem, looking up.

A woman walks by and asks what they were doing.

“Ve are supposed to find da height of da flagpole,” says Sven, “but ve don’t haf da ladder.”

The woman takes a wrench from her purse, loosens a few bolts, and lays the pole down. Then she takes a tape measure from her pocketbook, takes a measurement, announces, “Eighteen feet, six inches”, and walks away.

Ole shakes his head and laughs. “Ain’t dat just like a voman! Ve ask for da height and she gives us da length!”

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Lena was arrested for shoplifting in a supermarket near Boyceville, WI. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you steal?’ Lena replied, “A can of peaches.”

The judge asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied that there were six. The judge said, ‘Then I will give you six days in jail.”

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, Ole stood up, and asked the judge if he could say something. The judge said, “What is it?”

Ole said, “She also stole a can of peas.”

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Ole and Sven are walking down a street in Minocqua WI, when they see a sign on a store that reads, “Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, and trousers $2.50 per pair.”

Ole says to his pal, “Looky here! We could buy a whole gob of dese, take ‘em back at Dulute, sell ‘em to our friends, ‘n make a fortune. Now when we go in der, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do DA talkin cuz if dey hear yur accent, dey might tink we’re ignorant ‘n try to cheat us.

No way, dey’ll know we’re from Minnesota.”

They go in and Ole says with his best “Wisconsin” accent, “I’ll take 50 of those suits at $5.00 each, 100 of those shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each.

I’ll back up my pickup and..”

The owner of the shop interrupts, “You’re from Minnesota, ain’t you?”

“Vell…yeah,” says a surprised Ole. “How’d ya know dat?”

“Because this is a dry-cleaners…”

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So Ole was hiking in the mountains of Norway and he slips on a wet rock and he falls over the edge of a five-hundred-foot cliff, and he falls twenty feet and he grabs hold of a bush that’s growing out of a rock. And there he is, he’s hanging looking down at this deep fjord down below him — certain death — and his hands start to perspire and he starts to slip on this bush and he yells out, “Is anybody up dare?”

And he heard a deep voice rings out in the fjord, “I’m here, Ole. It’s the Lord, Ole.  Have faith. Let go of that bush and I will save you.” 

Ole looked down, and he looked up, and he says, “Is anyone else up dare?” 

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For more Ole and Lena, go here, where there is a joke of my own creation:http://loreleiorion.com/wordpress/2012/10/04/my-ole-and-lena-joke-2/.

So, okay, then.  There ya go.

Hope ya haf a vunderful day!

Lorelei:)

Smile!